Mental Health Swims - My First Hosted Open Water Swim

About a fortnight ago, the Mental Health Swims (MHS) account followed me on Instagram, and within moments I was shooting the Founder, Rachel, a DM.

I couldn’t believe that I was seeing a model that was a mirror refection of Run Talk Run (RTR) but for open water swimming. The premise and goal is the same - facilitate a safe space where people can turn up entirely as themselves, whether they are happy, sad, anxious or meh. Normalising mental health conversation at the forefront, with an activity as a secondary bonus feature. RTR for running, MHS for swimming.

Unlike RTRs weekly regularity, MHS meet to swim just once a month which lowered the barrier to participation and hosting, since I wasn’t entirely sure that I could commit to a weekly swim. Fast forward about a week or so, and Rachel and I are chatting endlessly over the phone about our dreams and plans for both RTR and MHS.

I answered some of her questions about what it takes to scale such a beastly support community. We talked about the boring Health & Safety stuff, the logistical sign-up process stuff, and then we bonded over the emotional labour that we pour into these communities and the need for boundaries. If I wanted Rachel to come away with anything, it was to know that the boundaries she puts in place now will be the very lines with which she’ll save herself when MHS undoubtedly scales into something even more magnificent than what it is today.

So how was that first swim?

SCARY.

I have to admit that over the last 3 years I’ve developed a pretty solid routine around my RTRs that make them easier to navigate as a leader. What I mean by this, is that my confidence has grown.

Hosting this MHS for the first time, however, had me swimming in discomfort in the days prior… what would I say? What if a really competent swimmer turned up and I couldn’t facilitate their needs? What if my social anxiety flared up and I lost all communication skills in an instant? What if they could smell the sadness on me, and it was all too much?

It was like I’d been thrown back 3 years and I felt a wave of empathy for all the new RTR Leaders who show up to their runs in the first few weeks so deeply unsure of their right to be a “running leader”.

In the end, it was just my mum and boyfriend who came along for the dip and so any social pressure was alleviated immediately. I also massively messed up with tide times and so I felt incredible gratitude for the fact no strangers had seen this cock up!

So between Jake, my mum and I, we splashed in the shallow rock pools and slipped around on the seaweed and laughed at each other as we fell into deeper parts of the sea unexpectedly. We didn’t talk mental health…. but I could bring my most “Jess self” there and that was special.

Instead of hosting these monthly I think I’m going to hold them weekly. I want to build my confidence with open water swimming, and I want to build my confidence in facilitating a support group outside the realms of RTR too.

The world deserves mental health support that is accessible, and less intimidating than sitting in a circle raising our hands to share what little parts of sadness we can bare to expose. It’s up to us, your Average Joe’s, to make sure we are creating spaces where talking about your mental health is just so normal.

I think this is what I care about more than anything in the world… the running and the swimming… they’re just a lovely little bonus.

Join me next Sunday @ Holywell Toilets. Time to be confirmed - I’ll post it to my Instagram @jessicamaryrobson

The Speed Project

I write this from the confinement of a crowded plane from Las Vegas to Heathrow. I’ve attempted sleep but it appears that after a brief 30 minute power nap, my mind and body are now ready to get moving again. The Speed Project did this to me. A 2-4 mile run right now would actually be grand.

I wanted to start writing about TSP experience sooner, but I had too many thoughts to process on it all, and I was quite frankly still exhausted from the experience when I arrived in LV that I needed to delay putting it all together

The build-up

It was a mental, uplifting, challenging and unexpectedly affirming experience from the moment I got to Heathrow. I met with Ria and Roshni and in the brief time we had in Heathrow airport, it quickly became apparent to us all that we were carrying the same “baggage” when it came to race anxiety and concerns about group formations (and distances) that we’d set out for the race.

I feel like the lead-up to TSP ought to be explained further, to really give a picture of what was going on.

The Whatsapp “group chat” of us running crazies had been going since about July 2018… that’s a long time for us to get to know each other prior to the race beginning when you consider that we were messaging and updating on training progress almost daily.

On a personal level, I tried to distance myself from this chat in a lot of ways because I found the whole thing ridiculously anxiety inducing. I began comparing my own training to that of my team mates (comparison is the thief of joy people, we all know that) and I shied away from some of the bigger personalities in the group. I’m the kind of person who would rather observe than engage at times and it was noted how quiet I was. I explained it away with “busy”, but that was only part of the story.

Some people in the team, particularly one lady, was able to offer a LOT of time and energy to the planning and preparations for TSP, and it was thanks to this lady that we ended up with the following plan.

Group 1:

Runner 1 – Roshni

Runner 2 – Bethan

Runner 3 – Allie

Runner 4 – Ria

Group 2:

Runner 5 – Megan

Runner 6 – Mara

Runner 7 – Corey

Runner 8 – ME (Jess)

Whilst Group 1 were running the first 4 segments, group 2 would be in the RV, resting. Then we would swap, on rotation, for a total of 4.5 rounds… after which, we were to arrive in the desert where we were just going to do 2 mile legs per person.

Though the distances changed and segments were shared, we actually successfully stuck to that above runner formation and it did thankfully offer us the kind of structure we needed, going into the challenge.

LA pre-race prep

There was SO much more that needed to be organized amongst us all than I’d anticipated.

A few “team meetings” saw us pull together plans for collecting the RV, arranging for food to be bought (and prepped…), for arranging a team of people to attend the pre-race briefing. I can’t help but feel that these little gatherings we held were handled rather emotionally and chaotically.

We were a group of women who had all invested a hell of a lot into TSP and on more than one occasion our pre-conceived ideas of what we expected our running journey would “look like” turned things a little sour. The mini meetings we held caused tension, (dare I admit) arguments, drama, and tears.

Any moment that we were able to pull away from the massive air bnb were treasured moments of calm that we all needed. The breakfasts filled with laugher and brief moments of letting go of the heaviness that we were inflicting on ourselves were really treasured.

And oh my, did I fall in love with LA.

(someone please help me find an excuse to go back asap?!)

The pre race briefing was held at 4pm on the Thursday prior to the race kicking off. It was a windy and hot day and I was already cautious of burning before we’d even set off! It was held in a carpark near the airport in true TSP style – kinda secretive… a very exclusive “party” reserved for only the cool kids of the running community. (I’m allowed to say that now I’ve run TSP, right?). It was ridiculously special and moving to see all of the teams in one place with an insane atmosphere that words would never do justice.

The remainder of the evening before TSP was spent frantically pulling together our kit bags for the weekend, collectively stressing over how many pairs of socks we’d need (with hindsight this was such wasted energy), cutting up cold pizza for the journey, that kinda thing. We all took very fondly to putting EVERYTHING in zip lock bags. I never quite appreciated just how I could compartmentalise my life into multiple zip locks and I won’t be surprised if some of us end up taking the organizational wonders back home with us.

Friday – Round 1

Having only got to bed at 10.30pm the night previous, 7 out of 8 of us runners were up and getting ready at 2am… ready to make that 4am start at Santa Monica pier!  

The vibe was electric… a throb of energy from all the teams running through us all. The crowds started to thicken from around 3.30am, with music blasting and runners dancing, and an inexplicable expression on people’s faces – a mix of wide-eyed excitement and nerves combined with lack of sleep. Quite a sight really.

After all teams had their obligatory picture taken under the Santa Monica Pier neon signs it was time to see off the race. Our first runner was Rosh, and she kicked off our journey magically.

Myself and Megan were to share all of our segments (so that we were running more frequent 5km’s as opposed to the fewer 10kms that our teammates were pulling off), so my first run was 5km taking us fully out of LA.

It was a flat road and mostly straight, which offered not a lot of opportunity for getting lost. It was a great way for me to see off my own running and I was just so thankful to finally be doing what I had indeed gone to do. All of the angst and arguments and tension held about the race kind of just melted away when I began moving. I found myself running past quirky little suburban shops, gyms, cafes. It all just felt so very… American!

My second 5km of Round 1 was much tougher, much hotter, and much more scenic than the first run. Given the hill training and the strength work that I do, I kind of felt myself come into my own on this leg as I climbed the most gorgeous green hills. The roads were winding and there was a point at which I was tailed by the SUV through a tunnel that cut into the mountain. There was something that made me feel like a VIR (Very Important Runner) to have the car tail me in such a way through that tunnel.

Friday – Round 2

These were my debrief notes I managed to get down in the RV following the two runs for round 2!

1 – had a headache before the run despite being very well hydrated (good wee!). had an ibuprofen which kicked in about 10 mins to running and I completely found my stride. I felt like I was running strong. Was on a long straight road with vehicles passing at speed. Combination of perfect temps, no risk of getting lost, feeling relief of being pain free… I had “flow” with running and it made me quite emotional. Those long straight roads were what I dreamed of and here I was doing it.

2 – Temps dropped quick with sun so was on similar roads to before but under darkness. Felt SO badass. Pepper spray in hand and SUV trailing meant I felt safe. Listened to hardcore grime and only time I felt fear was when hearing barks. Approached RV to such a beautiful welcoming, felt strong on such little sleep.

Saturday – Round 3

More notes from my scribbles in my notepad!

1 – I was EXHAUSTED for this run at 2am… so tired. Kept falling asleep in the SUV as we tailed Megan for the handover. Quite a dull route and struggled to find my stride. Came back even more exhausted. Crashed in car for 20 mins then proceeded to have spirits raised by helping Jon navigate and sharing 90s classics for a singalong!

2 – about 4am this time… better than the last. Still boring. Listened to LP (linkin park, obvs) all the way and reminisced a lot. Felt good to be by myself in thought. Quads really hurt by the end.

Saturday – Round 4

This round we had to rejiggle slightly between us. It was an off-road adventure that prohibited the SUV from being anywhere near us for a good 10km! that being said, Megan and I decided to share the route between us hopping between the bike and our legs. Gosh this one absolutely killed me. It was a LONG. ASS. HILL. But having Megans company was beautiful. To be able to absorb the beauty of our surroundings as a shared experience just compounded the sights we were seeing. Fuck I sound so corny – apologies, reader.

These were my notes:

1.5miles bike w/ Megan. 5.8 miles run uphill. SO TOUGH but so good to have M for company + share the experience. Really felt “gritty” getting up that hill, quads hurt a lot and I walked a fair bit.

Saturday night through to our finish on Sunday afternoon

From this point onwards, my post-run debrief notes end. Exhaustion was having an impact and I had no desire to sit with a pen and paper… my focus was more centred around sleeping, eating, and trying to squeeze in 10 minutes of Mike’s time to see to my calves.

Just before hitting death valley on the next stretch, Megan, Mara and I went to a roadside Greek restaurant and had the most AMAZING greek salad. We were all pretty fed up of bagels and cold pizza by this point, so a pile of leaves was so so appreciated. I tried Dolmades for the first time. We went back to the RV very full and very happy.

What I remember from the rest of the runs that took place…

Saturday night saw us running through Death Valley in pure blackness. A darkness that felt like running into ink, and the only visibility offered was from the small patch that the headtorch allowed. Every now and then I pulled my head away from the ground in front of me to look up to the stars. Pure silence. I paused my music a lot to just absorb the immensity of that silence.

We ran 2 miles each on rotation throughout this stint, which was plenty long enough by this point. We decided on the shorter distances as this would allow us to continue at a better pace than running any farther. It made sense for us all!

I found being in the car really hard work on this part of the journey though. There was one team member who I recall being particularly chaotic – TSP affecting us all in different ways of course – but it was that complete and utter loud chaos that actually spun me into my own little web of anxiety. I held back from saying anything to this team member, afraid of rocking her little boat any further… very much aware that in her own way, she was experiencing panic too. So I stuffed my words and reactions back down my throat and consoled myself with the thought that I would soon be running in the blackness again. Just wait 10 more minutes, Jess, and you’ll be out of this car and this chaos. So I waited.

BUT. That was a mistake. Because on my second 2 mile leg, the second I started running, my throat closed up and I experienced what I can only describe as the onset of a panic attack. I kept moving my legs, determined to keep running desperately trying to get air back into my lungs. I realise now that through holding back my words and emotions in the car, I had simply been suppressing them to a point where I was now convulsing in panic. NOT GOOD. As soon as my breathing was under control on the road, the tears came. I slowed myself to a walk and flagged to the guys in the SUV that I needed to stop. Mara got out the car and she just started walking with me by my side… not asking what was wrong, but just being with me. Before I knew it, we were jogging together, talking together. My breathing was getting more regular, my tears were drying up. So I told her to get back in the SUV, and I completed the remaining mile alone. This is what teamwork looks like, this is what supporting your peers looks like. Mara didn’t exactly do much, but she gave up her tired legs to give me half a mile of support and company.

I then had just one more 2 mile leg to go on this round, and I used it as an opportunity to drop my Run Talk Run gang a voicenote to explain what had happened on the previous round. Words cannot describe just how good it felt to be connecting with “home” and my supportive community in that way. I wanted to show them that despite all the happy smiley insta-stories they were witnessing… anxiety can still show up in the desert!

I didn’t run again until 6am, which offered the most stunning sunrise! These were easy miles (despite some very painful quads and calves)… but I had NOT anticipated just quite how crazy the hill was going to be that followed.

We took on the hill out of death valley in 0.5 mile rotations. It was steep, it was tough, and it was gritty. But what was incredible was that our spirits were just so damn HIGH… we stopped for lots of gorgeous sunrise photos and we laughed our tired heads off at Jon who had touched a cactus because it looked “soft” (LOL) and I think this was possibly the most happy I’d been on the whole trip. And getting to the top of that hill was pure magic.

Finally we had caught up with the remaining 4 other runners who were to take over, and we got the very first picture of all 8 of us!

From there, it was a 1-mile-rotation-blur. We were FLYING down the highway to Vegas… all of us picking up pace as we were traveling downhill. On one of these 1 mile downhill runs I reached the SUV where the team had assembled themselves in a ‘love tunnel’ for me to run through… I honestly could have cried with happiness. It brought me so much joy. I think this is one of my favourite images from the trip because it really just captures the joy that I experienced in this moment.

And then that was it… we were at our final 0.5 mile to the Las Vegas sign… ALL of us ladies clambered out of the SUV to finish our journey together. Cue the champagne bottles and the tears, the smiles, the selfies, the hugs, the disbelief. We had made it.

What now!?…

Now, I process where I go from here. I am going to have to ponder very long and very hard about what on earth would even come close to an experience such as TSP. I’m not sure any other ultra relay would even come close to how incredible this experience was… so part of me feels that it needs to be a different challenge entirely.

The 5 Reasons Why Running Makes it Easier To Open Up

Run Talk Run was born out of three very basic principles.

• People need spaces to feel heard and understood.

• London needs a less intimidating running club.

• Running is the BEST enabler for us to “open up” about our deep, dark, internal “shit”.

A few people have recently asked me WHY I think running is the easiest way to open up to other people. I suppose I have my own experience to base my answer on because I suppose it worked for me. But there is very good reason why I believe that running makes it far easier for us as humans to open up our true selves to one another. Here is why.

There are no social boundaries.

From the CEO in a Hedge Fund to the construction site labourer – running kit is running kit – everyone is on equal terms, and that cuts out a lot of the bullshit we see in the “real world”. It is like the social pre-judgements we make no longer apply once we’re out, pounding the pavements.

We are displaying our rawest selves.

Out running, we are showing ourselves at our most vulnerable. We are fatigued, sweaty, red, exhausted, uncomfortable. Experiencing that level of vulnerability at the same time as another human being creates a bond which allows us to be raw about other aspects of ourselves too.

Less intimidating.

Running side by side reduces the intimidating nature of eye contact. When you take away the eye-contact factor you are taking away that feeling of being judged. It is almost as though we are running and being honest with ourselves as much as we are being honest with the person running next to us. Knowing that the other person is at your side, instead of directly ahead of you means that you can move forward together. There is great power in that.

Getting outside.

In today’s world we are becoming less and less frequent in our “face to face” real-time communications with the people around us. Getting outside with one another for a run is one of the few opportunities that we really have to share what might sound somewhat “silly” or “dramatic” or simply too difficult to explain over a message or Whatsapp.

Lost inhibitions.

Whilst running, it is almost as though we are simply too tired to put up any pretences about who we are. I have definitely seen friends and family at their “most silly” whilst running, and I think that’s genuinely because it is simply impossible to maintain a decent level of composure. That loss of inhibition makes it so much easier to just let go of our fear of judgement, so it becomes easier to share what’s really on our mind.

I would be really interested to know/hear about any other theories of why it is easier to open up to another person whilst out running, more so than other social settings. Or perhaps you disagree! Let me know in the comments.

ONE SIMPLE TRICK TO COMBAT NERVES

This really isn’t just a click-bait title, I promise you this is actually a REALLY simple trick and I can’t believe I’ve never considered my own nerves in this way before.

I cannot claim to be the author of this wonderful theory, for it is actually Simon Sinek that brought my attention to the fact that we can approach nerve-racking situations very differently and it was just SO GOOD that I absolutely had to share it with you guys.

The basic principle, is that nervousness and excitement are *almost* one and the same thing.

1. The physiological symptoms – tensing up, increased heart rate, shallow breath

2. They result from anticipating what is to come

How does this help?

If we started to view our own nervousness (for example, on the starting line of your first half marathon, or just about to set foot in a bar to meet a tinder date) as excitement then we may end up with a resulting feeling that is far more positive.

When you’re tying up your laces for the race, or strapping on your heels for the date, we could use our shallow breath and quickened heart rate to assure ourselves that this matters to us. This is important, and it’s EXCITING. Simply replacing the word “nervous” to “excited” transforms the experience. It makes us want to rush towards the event because it is exciting… not run away from it.

Of course I know that life isn’t always that simple and that developing a mindset that allows you to view important events in this way will be challenging at first, but I think the more we practise this simple switch and self-talk, the easier it’ll become to deal with nerves on a daily basis.

As always, I’m keen to hear your thoughts and any other ways you combat nerves – pop me a DM on insta – @runtalkrun

The Benefits of Running for your Mental Health

It wouldn’t surprise any of you if I told you that physical activity is one of the most commonly recommended natural remedies for stress, anxiety and depression.

But what is it about running, in particular, that improves our mental health?

When you break it down, it becomes really clear to see the intrinsic link between healing from mental illness and running.

When you are suffering from mental ill-health, one of the main obstacles is trying to bring your coping mechanisms back. The coping mechanisms that help you deal with whatever life throws at you. Running strengthens these coping mechanisms through:

• setting and attaining goals

• experiencing success and overcoming frustration

• creating and maintaining motivation 

I am sure we have all heard about the effects of endorphins which are released when we exert ourselves… but it would be wrong to assume that every run we perform will leave us with the same “Runners High”. No. Often, your run will feel sluggish, it will be a mental challenge as much as a physical one and you could end up feeling worse after a run than before you started. Is this starting to sound contradictory and actually bad for your mental health? You’d be forgiven, but hear me out first.

Good Mental Health is centred (mainly) around these core strengths:

• Self-esteem/confidence

• Resilience

• Motivation/determination

Self-Esteem & Confidence

One of the most notable aspects of running is that, as an individual sport, you must rely on yourself for results. Over time, as runs become easier and a person becomes fitter they will realise that they are fully equipped to better themselves and overcome challenges. This then transfers to other areas of their life, thus increasing their sense of capability at dealing with obstacles and stressors. Running is demanding and the rewards and frustrations of running fall only to yourself. Rising to the challenge of the demanding endeavour builds your ego and self-esteem as you realise that you are capable of doing great things… alone!

Resilience

As mentioned before, not every run will be a “good run”. There will be days when the legs feel heavy, the lungs feel about 5 times smaller, you can’t get your head to focus on the task at hand… and on those days, you will complete the run thinking you ought to never run again! Resilience, consequently, is built through overcoming these bad runs and deciding to just try again. Developing the ability to visualise future success and tying up your laces just once more – that is resiliency.

Ask yourself.. have you ever met a marathon-runner who lacks resilience?

Motivation/Determination

Running encourages us to set both short-term and long-term goals. The longer term goals are often what motivates us to head out for a run, and the short term goal (of say, completing 5k this Thursday evening) provides us with determination to see something through. Focusing and visualising future achievements (e.g. running a race, or completing a particular distance) is so healthy. The goal is tangible and attainable and it is our determination that is strengthened to seeing us through to completion of that goal. No one can put in the training for us. Creating and attaining goals is invaluable experience to then attribute to other areas of your life – be that career, relationships, other life-long dreams and hobbies. Through achieving our running goals, we become more confident in our ability to see things through and develop our sense of self.