What did I do before Run Talk Run?

Well this is set to be rather self-indulgent, isn’t it. A reflective little look at what Jess did before she stumbled her way into the realms of mental health support, running her socks off, and chatting to strangers.

I gave a Careers Talk at my old school, Roedean Moira House, today. Preparing what I was going to say forced me to take a look at my life in chronological order and figure out how I actually arrived at where I am today.

My “career” direction started with the decision to not go to university. Which, at Moira House, was rather a big deal. I could have gone, I had the grades to go, and I most certainly had the expectation from parents/teachers/peers to go, too.

But I was unsure whether I wanted to study Business or Psychology. I was unsure of what I wanted out of a career.

I knew that I wanted to be living and working in London, and I was kinda prepared to take whatever approach necessary to make that happen. Such was the nurturing way of Moira, we had a brilliant careers advisor who suggested a secretarial college in Oxford. I was less enthused by the idea of training to be a PA, but very excited by the words “they have great contacts with London recruitment agencies”.

I was sold.

I spent the year after 6th form working for my stepdad as an Office Administrator in contract catering, saving money for the course and getting some experience in the office which I didn’t anticipate would be as helpful as it was. I even picked up Sundays working in the kitchen, too, just to top up that income. It was a slog, and it certainly challenged my relationship with my stepdad too… but I did earn what I needed for Oxford.

Going to Oxford Media and Business School was a very natural progression from Moira House. Small, nurturing, all-female, and very structured. We were studying for an “Executive PA Diploma” and the course was as old-school as you’d expect. Touch typing, shorthand, itinerary-writing, report-writing, letter etiquette, phone etiquette… we were being shaped into identical little polished PAs ready to go and support the corps of London.

I speak about it now with an air of apathy, but i would 100% recommend this course to anyone who isn’t sure that university is the best option for them.

A few months after leaving OMBS, and about 5 rejections from interviews (remember I was shy and socially awkward), I landed myself the role as Office Manager at Bain and Gray. A boutique recruitment agency in Mayfair. Small, nurturing.. and again, all female. I felt at home. I was well looked after by the Directors there who, I believe, took a massive gamble on the shy girl.

Being an office manager in a small working environment suited me and my introversion down to a T.

• autonomy over my workload

• wearing ALL the hats - accounts, payroll, marketing, reception, the “office move”

• the ability to keep myself to myself

• being able to create routines and structure of my own choosing (DREAMY)

After 18 months of working in this role for Bain and Gray, I went and did the exact same thing for a sliiiightly bigger office in the world of Acoustics.

But, alas, my organisation skills were getting pretty damn good by this point and I found that I was getting through my workload with too much thinking time on my hands to wonder what else I could be doing.

NOTE - I am never ever content or assured that I am doing “enough”… I always feel like I could be doing more, somehow. This is a theme.

I started “THE LDN PA” which was essentially me marketing myself to fitness professionals on a freelance basis for admin and social media support. I absolutely loved the work I was doing for these guys. It was the first time I had tried to mix my passion for fitness with my “work” and it gave me the little entrepreneurial fire in my belly and knowledge that, well… I could create an entire career of my own choosing.

In the summer of 2017, this extra freelance work that I was taking on increased very dramatically. I had an inability to say no to work… I always felt like there would be a way to squeeze it in, somehow. This was the summer that I became depressed and it is only this reflection on my career that I am taking note of the impact that this extra work might have had on my mental wellbeing, too. Perhaps the fatigue from working freelance before and after my 9-5 hours made me even more susceptible to “feeling the feels” more strongly.

I ceased all freelance work around September 2017… and Run Talk Run was born in October 2017.

I continued to work as an office manager for that acoustic consultancy until November 2018, a whole year on from RTR’s beginning! I found that it was totally manageable to juggle RTR alongside the 9-5 when it was just the one support group that I was hosting… but as soon as that increased to 5 (in October 2018), I realised that actually, I could really make something of this mental health support malarkey if I put some more time into it.

So I did. I left my 9-5.

The rest is history.

Is that too blunt of an end to a blog? Possibly. We’ve arrived at our destination. That was my work, before RTR became my work.

If anyone has any questions about OMBS or my freelance personal assistance work (which ironically I’ve started to pick back up again - for the right clients, mind you), please do feel free to pop me an email.

The phrase you need to ban in 2020.

A phrase to ban in 2020:

"I'll see what happens"

Fuck. That.

When I stop to consider all of the ways that life is outside of my control.

Ill health. Other people’s intentions. etc.

WHY

would I take away the one power that I do have?

WHY

would I take away the one thing that I can control?

The ability to make decisions based on what I want to see, what I want to be, how I want to live.

Why wait to see what happens when you can go and make things happen?

This year there will be no more dancing around the edges.

No more tantalising with what I could have.

Or reminiscing over what I did have.

No more waiting to see what will happen.

Just making things happen.

How you should focus your time in 2020.

Figure out what makes you feel alive, and go and do that. Do lots of it. Fill your 2020 to the fucking brim with the shit that makes you think "oh, this is what its all for". For me, that's running and RTR-ing and strength work and clouds. Running alone makes me feel connected to myself. Running with @runtalkrun makes me feel connected to others. Lifting heavy things makes me feel like I'm invincible. Looking up at the clouds makes me feel empowered by the insignificance of my existence. Figure out your things. Then go do them. Be selfish with them. Be consistent with them. Do them daily if you can. Do them daily when you MUST. 

Should you make a new years resolution?

Jumping on the bandwagon and talking about resolutions because I'm getting really bored of the "don't feel pressured into making a resolution" posts that are being thrown about, with an air of superiority between the lines that read

If you're thinking about changing yourself just because its a #NewYear then LOL AT YOU

Listen, there is nothing wrong with wanting to make a change, and there is nothing wrong with using the New Year as a motivational drive to actually be the catalyst for that change!

I'm not advocating for exercising yourself into oblivion, or becoming full vegan, or promising yourself that you'll read the entire self-help library from Amazon in a year. I just wanna say that hey, if you're looking to make a change from January 1st then you fucking rock.

Of COURSE you are already enough as you are. But you know. Change is cool. Change is growth.

My only advice would be this...

make resolutions that are centred around VALUING your mind, and valuing your body.

When you put VALUE into your decisions (for both mental work and physical work) then you're more likely to strike a balance where you don't overwork yourself into burnout, and actually achieving impactful change.

Value for your entire being should underpin every resolution that you make.

The Best Breakup Advice I Ever Received

Within days of my breakup last December, I was on Google.

"how to get over someone"

The amount of articles that have been written on the art of getting over someone, moving on from a past lover, and coping with a breakup, were ENDLESS.

It overwhelmed me.

I was told to take "time for myself"

I was told to "get under someone else"

I was told to start exercising - as if that wasn't my life coping mechanism already, UGH

I was told to take time out

I was told to sit with my feelings

I was told to distract myself

The articles about how to get over someone and cope with a breakup were conflicting on so many levels.

I did the only thing I knew to do...

I trained. Hard.

Thankfully for me, the breakup happened in December and I had an almighty beast of an ultra-relay to train for (The Speed Project, if you're wondering) in the coming Spring. The training exhausted me to such an extent that I lost my period (not good), but it also exhausted me to a point that showed me how much grit I had within me (very good).

But was all this training actually helping me get over the breakup?

No, not really.

I missed what I had lost, terribly.

Months passed by, and I was still crying about the breakup at least several times a week. I was still reminiscing on the happier times and I was still struggling to see a future where my ex didn't feature.

Staying single clearly "wasn't working" so I took to Hinge as a last ditch attempt. Strategy: distraction.

And guess what... it worked! Mostly. Just not completely. I was very very lucky to have matched with the most wonderful man upon returning from my ultra-adventuring and together we had a very nice summer. Neither of us being overly committed to anything, but a nice experience all the same.

About 2 months into dating this man, I was chatting to a lady at Run Talk Run, and I was telling her about how I needed to stop dating said man... because I was still thinking about my ex. Not frequently, and not in a romantic way, and not in a pining way... but in a "holy fuck what have I lost" kind of way.

The lady I was running with absolutely stunned me with what she said next.

  "Look Jess - you might never get over him"  

WHAT.

All this time I had been trying every trick to get over my ex, and yet here I was being told that I might never achieve that.

Ever.

She carried on...

"that man meant something to you, Jess. The experiences you shared hold value to you, they are a part of where you are today. You might never stop missing what you had. It’s ok that you think about him every so often, and it’s ok to miss him, but you have to carry on"

I felt like someone had just taken something HEAVY off my shoulders. I had been carrying around this shame and this guilt for the way I was feeling. I was dating a man knowing full well that another man had crossed my mind on several occasions... and yet, this was okay! And apparently, very very common.

Why do I believe this to be the best breakup advice I ever received?

To hear that I may never get over him, encouraged me to stop dedicating so much time to trying to get over him.

And ironically, diverting my mental energy away from thinking about how I might move on, allowed me to invest my energy in other things. Like Run Talk Run. Like the man I was dating. Like my friends. Basically, everything that was actually going to help move me further away from the thoughts of my ex. 

It allowed me to stop feeling so damn guilty for not getting over the breakup sooner.

Apparently it was ok to be thinking about him?! Who knew! I never even considered that what I was thinking was to be expected, to be normal, or healthy. I think we tend to keep things like "rumination" entirely to ourselves because, often, we carry a certain degree of shame for thinking about the past too much. I wonder if we actually knew how much time we ALL spent on ruminating here and there we'd feel less shitty about it.

It allowed me to appreciate what a wonderful deep-feeling-sensitive soul I am and embrace that shit.

The reason I still thought about my ex with fondness and a pang of loss is because I am a sensitive motherfucker, and that is one of the most brilliant things about me. Ha, I said it. Without my sensitivity we wouldn't have the journey of Run Talk Run. Without my sensitivity, I wouldn't be such an empathetic pair of ears to my pals.

So, my words of wisdom to anyone going through a breakup.

You might never get over him. (or her).

And that's ok. We carry on anyway.

Talking to Strangers - Happy To Talk Launch in John Lewis

On a very very chilly Wednesday evening this 4th December 2019, I headed to the John Lewis Sloane Square store… not to make a start on Christmas shopping, but to support Chris Zair in sharing the Happy to Talk campaign with JL customers and staff.

I say this so very often, but the best thing Run Talk Run has brought to my world, is the PEOPLE (like Chris and tonight meeting Lisa from Papyrus) who really give a shit about the same things that I do. Who really want to get people talking and supporting each other.

So what is Happy to Talk?

It is a social movement, encouraging people to talk on London’s public transport. Instead of sticking your earphones in and shutting the world out, Happy to Talk is about inviting connection in. It is about acknowledging the people around you, sharing a smile, giving a nod to a passerby. In a world that is so digitally connected, we appear to have lost the art of offline connection. Happy to Talk is the counter to that.

I wrote a post about why it is important to talk to strangers a little while ago, which gives more depth to the HTT campaign.

John Lewis Sloane Square are now stocking the badges to assist us in spreading the word about talking to strangers and creating a more connected London!

IT DOESN’T GET EASIER...
but it is always always always worth speaking in public not just about RTR and what we are doing, supporting our peers on our weekly runs… but actually to talk about my own journey TO creating Run Talk Run in the first place.

My voice cracked and my hands shook this evening as I tried to sputter something coherent about running and talking. Truth be told, I still get very emotional. It all means so much to me. I’ve accepted that this is all part of the public speaking experience for me and I won’t let it stop me continuing to talk.

SO, thank you Happy to Talk for supporting our amazing community. (£2 of every sale of a HTT badge is donated to RTR). You can buy your badge directly through the Happy to Talk website, or in the John Lewis Sloane Square store.

I am a Confidence Coach, and I currently have 1:1 sessions available to book in for 2020. If you would like to ask me any questions about this coaching, feel free to drop me a line. Or you can book in to have some time on the phone with me (for free, obvs).