In August 2018 I moved into the flat I had purchased, with a man who I thought would be my "forever" (eye roll), and committed myself fully to the fact I would be in London for another 5 years at least.
After all, this is the place where you're meant to have your career, right? This is the place where you're meant to find your man, your home, your success, before leaving for the countryside for family-making and "settling", right?
Well, that was my plan. And it was going so well. After 5 years here I had found the flat, I had found the man, I had found the fulfilling purpose-driven career. But then the man fell out of love, and everything kinda deflated in an instant. The life I thought I was building, I thought we were building, was kinda just... gone.
I didn't have a plan B.
So I did what I thought was expected of me. I threw myself into making London "work" for me as an independent woman. I didn't need the man, I didn't need the flat. I could make this work. And to be honest, I know that I can make this work if I really want to. But that's the point... I don't think I do want to anymore. I am tired of London.
Moving to Bethnal Green was my knee-jerk reaction of "HA, just look at me succeed here in this stressful city despite everything telling me I should have given up by now". But that's not a good enough reason to stay.
My Plan A didn't work out, and that's ok.
But... I don't want my Plan B to be a carbon copy of Plan A.
I've drawn a line in the sand. My Plan B looks different now.
I've decided to take myself and the Run Talk Run mission to America, traveling around for 3 or so months to meet running communities in other cities. I want to show myself that London is not the only vibrant city I could happen to find myself in. I want to spend some time with me. I want to show the States just how flipping awesome the RTR approach is. I want to leave little breadcrumbs behind me of 'non-judgey' running and I want to have candid conversations about mental health maintenance with people from all walks of life.
I want to then replicate this (funds allowing, hehe) all over Europe.
Why? Because I can.
Because I think the world deserves more Run Talk Run.
Because it's about time I saw a little more of this awesome world.
But mainly, and importantly, it is because I am so so done with being in London and pretending that everything is how I want it to be. There, I said it.
When I return from my travels I don't see myself coming back here. Not because I don't love it, but because it just doesn't fit right anymore. It's like a jumper that you wore loads last winter but now feels too snug, too close, too uncomfortable. It's making me squirm a bit.
I've got a hell of a lot of thinking to do about where I see myself living when I come home. At the moment, Brighton is seeming like a terrific idea. Brighton is "home". But who knows... time will tell.
(If you know any keen runners living in the States who you think would love to hear about Run Talk Run, please put me in touch! I'm relying on you, running community, to help me make this happen!)